THE BATOUTOFHELL-MAN

This morning i confirmed that i'm really messed up. No matter how much i fool myself into thinking i'm not.
i was gonna be late. So i got angry with myself and drove to work like a bat out of hell. I tuned into NU, and relished "Smells Like Teen Spirit". So i did what any decent person would do. Naturally i opened my window and increased the vol of the radio as far as it would go. Then i realized that my sounds wouldn't match my driving if i didn't drive to match. So i adjusted my driving to match the music. No i didn't hit anyone, or anything. I didn't even almost hit anyone or anything. But i still endangered lives for the remainder of Elliptical road.. (and hey, i was trying to get to work on time, right? so what's wrong with that?). So there.

So what else is wrong with me, oh yeah, I arrived 8 minutes late because the spirit is willing, but the body won't ever yield to discipline, ever.

Ok let's change the subject into something more positive:

What's wrong with me? Sometimes i get so irritated, without being able to tell what i'm irritated about. Then the irritation turns to fury, still without quite knowing what i'm furious about. And sometimes i just feel down. Plainly and simply, "down", for no apparent reason i can think of. Why do i feel like i'm always screaming for attention? Why do i feel like no one cares? I know that everyone cares about me, yet i'm still screaming for people to care!

I'm writing this down because i don't ever want to forget this.

That feeling

Ok here's a description of that feeling. This is purely for my own reference, that i may not forget it's details. It starts somewhere in the heart (which is by this time beating quite fast). Somehow a band or a beam of sorts slowly travels downward from the chest area. The beam is characterized by a sensation not quite akin to pain, but is more like a "weakness". Perhaps this weakness is best described as, "that same feeling Superman gets when exposed to kryptonite". Anyway, this beam slowly travels downward, and is felt strongest when it reaches the knees, where it seems to linger on for a while, before proceeding lower and ultimately diminishing towards the feet.